10/17/11 The joy of the little things...the contrast of the worlds

With the kids in school there was no need to rise early and so we didn't...I've found that our schedule is gravitating toward late nights as we try to unwind and review what we've accomplished each day. As a result we have to catch up somewhere, and for those of you that know me, mornings sounds like a good place! Even then we have some time to do some planning before seeing the kids in the afternoon.

Today we continued meeting with the kids and getting to know them. We are talking to them one on one with Susan or Mama Jonah doing the translating. Susan is pretty straight forward. Mama Jonah on the other hand is hysterical. She was trying to tell us about dodge ball and when words defied her she got up and starting playing charades. I must say she was really good because all three of us immediately guessed dodge ball and that almost sent her over the edge laughing. Nothing she says comes out without laughing so that makes understanding what they are telling us a little more difficult.

The sadness in these interviews comes from the fact that many of these children have lost both parents. Some have only one parent but by leaving them here with Phil it is one less mouth to feed. In some cases the mothers have chased them off because their new husbands will NOT take care of another man's children. The Biblical concept of marriage is that a man shall leave his father and mother and bond with his wife and become one flesh. We in the Western world marry by this concept. The other concept is called "the Garden Concept" and this is what is practiced here. Here the man is the source of the seed and the woman is the garden. The man plants his seed in the woman and she nurtures the seed just as the soil nurtures the seeds in the ground. Therefore the child is the man's child. If he has enough money and wants to buy a second or third garden he can do so. The first problem in this concept is the man has all the power. The second problem is that men are more important than women and boys are more important than girls. The third problem is that the man "owns" the woman. The man owns the garden. She has no voice in the marriage. Within this concept a childless marriage is useless just like a farm that won't produce is meaningless. The widow is the most pathetic of them all because she is a possession which has lost its owner. As a result, she will often abandon her children during the funeral of her husband. If a man has an affair with a married woman and is caught the man must pay the woman's husband the price he paid for the dowry. So in essence he is fined for his behavior. If a woman has an affair and is caught she has done the worst thing possible. She has violated her husband names and therefore the man who had the affair with her has to take her as his wife. To be a single girl is to be a garden that has not been planted. Really explaining that the only value of a woman is to be married and produce children.

So now that you've had a short history lesson, I'm back to our kids. In spite of their circumstances they find joy in the little things. As we began the interviews today we pulled out a few pieces of construction paper and some magic markers. For probably a full hour the kids were mesmerized by the idea of drawing on the paper. They drew small and utilized every square inch. And I have to say I was quite impressed by their artistic talent. As we were talking I handed each child one peanut butter cracker (mind you, one cracker, not one package) and they were thrilled. We took each child outside to take pictures and little Adrian (who was with us yesterday and came back today for another visit) stood behind me and would tell each kid to smile. He is now my assistant though he insists on being in at least one picture for each child! By the time we finished with the kids and got in the car to go into town he laid his down in the back seat and out like a light!

What amazes me the most about the children is that there are 139 of them and I have yet to see them fight or get angry with one anther. Now I understand they are probably on their best behavior around us but even our kids pick on one another now and then. They all seem so protective of each. While waiting for their turn today they all sat outside quietly (in fact, so quietly you wouldn't even have known they were there). They just seem so happy in spite of their circumstances or maybe because of them. They can teach us a lot!

After the interviews Susan took Liz and I on another journey. I thought we were going back into the village but she actually took us to another village far, far away. Her mother, Scovia, had been visiting her uncle all day at the funeral of the husband of a friend, who had passed away. The widow couldn't have been older than 35, and that is stretching it a bit. We drove down one lane dirt roads for miles until we hooked up with Scovia so she could lead us the rest of the way. Scovia was actually on the back of a motorcycle so I now refer to her as "one hot mama"! We passed more goats then I've seen in a lifetime and even in this remote area the kids new enough to yell out Mzungu! The countryside is just so different. The poverty is overwhelming! I know this is the way of life here but I do find it very sad. I can't seem to make that transition that says people should be living in these conditions. I've seen poverty and I just can't wrap my head around this. I'm hoping that by being here longer I can get a better grasp of the reality that is life here and learn to see it as they do. Right now my glasses are just too rose colored. My heart just can't stop breaking at the contrast.

With that I hope you all will take a moment and be thankful for all you have - both in terms of family, friends and things. It makes me realize how fortunate I am for the family I have that I love so much. It makes me thankful for the values I grew up with and could then share with my children who I deeply love, along with their spouses. It makes me thankful that my children have a strong faith in God and a husband that I love after all these years. I'm thankful for my parents who have always been there for me and a brother and sister I can call friends as well as siblings. I am also thankful for my friends and church family. I look at this paragraph and realize how many special people have impacted my life and realize how few people these kids have in theirs. No wonder they are thankful for the little things!!!

Once again, I love you all.